False Motivation

So, I’m trying to ease back into the blogosphere and I figured I’d write on a more personal level like I used to.

I’m currently on CQ (24 hour desk duty) at the moment, and it reminds me of how it feels to be in Garrison again. I’m still attempting to settle into this normal world, and it’s a very slow process. I’m still a very irritable guy, I’m still hyper-vigilant, I still think of Iraq. People continue to tell me “That’s normal, you’re still readjusting” but that just irritates and frustrates me more, because it’s not normal, I’m not adjusting as fast as I want and it makes me feel helpless.

I am settling into my marriage as well, and that’s pretty pleasant. I’m glad I’ve found someone who is willing to take care of me, and be patient with me despite all my shortcomings. Someone who reminds me to take a deep breath when other motorists act stupid, or when the screen door comes off of it’s track and becomes impossible to put back on; all those times when I just want to scream, punch, curse, and generally freak out.

I’ve been to a psychologist to try and explain these feelings of frustration but I get brushed off time after time “Come back and see me in 3 months if you still feel the same” “Have you tried sleeping more often?” “Would you like some prescription drugs?”

Like I said though, I’m blessed to have my wonderful wife to take care of me otherwise I’d probably be a true mental case by now, I hate being brushed off.

With that being said I’m tired, and I hope to blog again in a few hours on something related to current events.

Take care, stay motivated (I’ll try to stay awake).

-TS-